Moskie Sauce

I’m still working on my script. I love what I’ve come up with so far. I won’t finish within my ninety day deadline, but I am going to polish it for pitching. I already have plot work down for a sequel, too. There are even a few possible niches built in for a TV series, but I imagine it will be out of my hands by then. I am excited. This is not schlock. As soon as I can get someone to look at it, it’ll sell.

The love muscle is ticking again. I met someone several months ago whom I think is mighty wonderful. She is gorgeous, graceful, wise and sweet. I can’t imagine why  anyone would treat her poorly, but unfortunately that happened. I made myself available, but I’m letting her set the pace and decide what she wants. I’m keel over mast for her but I will not be aggressive. Even though I run the risk of drifting into the Friend Zone, pushing things isn’t what this situation calls for. Let love be at the end of this rainbow.

Wheels are still turning at Job#1. They’re still showering us with sunshine and candy canes. I went to a town hall meeting last week, but nothing feels really clear. They shut down some silly rumors which were already obviously idle fantasy. Yes, the company is fracturing. No, we expect no layoffs. Yes, hiring is in full swing. No, we’re not transferring operations to India or Pakistan. We’ll have an open house for our beautiful new facility in December, etc.

There is no such thing as a company split without layoffs so it’ll probably happen again. My game plan is keep focusing on what I need to do each day, get more job applications out and ignore all the noise. Focus has been a challenge lately. I’m noticing more mistakes on my part, which are embarrassing. I go back and fix anything I remember, but how much do I remember? Mergh. Uncertainty gnaws at me and it’s not just over job performance. I need to rest and recalibrate. I have been tired. My body refuses to sleep when I lie down. I go to bed at a good time. Then I wake up every hour. This sucks. I need to sleep when I’m supposed to. I don’t have trouble sleeping when the alarm clock goes off. How about when the lights go off? Gimme some of that, thank you.

Still on hormones. No bueno. I looked forward to going off them this month, but the doc still wants me on until August. Blood tests are still on a nearly even keel (one test comes back goofy), but the doc and I are trying to work out a problem with one or more of my meds. I have been getting a nasty rash, joint pain and hives over the past month or so and we both believe I’m allergic to something. The problem is, there isn’t much of an alternative available for what I’m taking. So, I’m in the position of choosing between being off everything, risking relapse, and dealing with annoying rashes and worries about clients looking at me and recoiling with, “Ew! Don’t touch me!”

Some of my new teeth were installed on 04/30 and my jaw still hurts. The dentist couldn’t numb my jaw properly and wound up doing an intraosseous injection in three spots. The teeth look great, but they were a bitch at times. The dentist sent me home with painkillers, but when my mandible swells, they don’t touch it. There isn’t anything you can do for jaw swelling, apparently. All Vicodin did was make me drowsy, so I stopped bothering with it. Instead, I substituted 800 mg of Ibuprofen for the swelling and moved my head and neck a lot to put my lymph system in gear. I imagine I put some nice cysts on my liver with the Ibuprofen, but I don’t know what else to try. Attempts at manual lymphatic drainage accomplished nothing.

Too bad I have to go back and do it again. I wanted to get them all done at once, but insurance only wants to pay a nickel on the dollar and I didn’t have enough free cash to pay for everything. We’re splitting me into five appointments to get the rest of it. I should have this all wrapped within a year.

I forget to say the most essential thing.
The thing one should never forget to say
We treat it like bus fare until we don’t hear it anymore
When we can’t say it anymore
When it’s bigger than we are
Crouched behind anxiety
And swallowed by pride

Rise tomorrow, read and repeat: I love you. I love you. I love you.

I started doing my research for my latest story this week. I pulled my characters together and strengthened my plot sketch. My thought process bogs down on some interactions, but I keep feeding on inspiration and it still comes. One part of the story involves a truck, trailer and dog. I took the past several days working that out. Knowing as little as I do about RVs and hunting dogs, I’m really happy with what I put together: Ram 2500 Crew Cab long bed with a Cummins Diesel and a Cedar Creek 3150RL 5th wheel. The dog is a German Shorthaired Pointer.

Is this not the coolest dog? I was looking for a flexible hunting breed and these are versatile. They point, they can track and they retrieve. Strong work ethic and family-friendly personalities. They are also high energy. They need exercise and activities or they can be destructive.

I debated whether an RV or 5th wheel was a better choice for the story. I liked the idea of having the truck separate so that someone could leave the trailer and go out for errands, work or hunting. Cedar Creek 5th wheels come up often on message boards. Users seem to like them, but I’m also charmed with Keystone Avalanche and Dutchmen Komfort models. I skipped across town this afternoon to see the Avalanche and Komfort units. I have only looked at the Cedar Creeks online because the nearest dealer is a ninety minute drive from where I live. If I’m not buying it, I don’t need to see it. It was nice to get a feel for scale with the other trailers though. Good stuff. I saw and learned a lot today.

I also found an actor I can model my protagonist on. This is a picture of Nick Bakay. He has voiced Norbert on ‘Angry Beavers’ and Salem Saberhagen in both animated and live action ‘Sabrina the Teenage Witch.’ He has also made several appearances on ESPN, ‘The King of Queens,’ ‘That 70’s Show’ and other items. The majority of his recent credits involve producing, but he is still doing voice work and screen acting.

I don’t model characters on/for actors very often. Novelists and screenwriters do not make casting decisions. We draw plots, dialogue and scenes. Successful screenplays often leave scene and actor details vague because that is producer territory. This is me having fun, though. If it sells, great. If not, great. I just need to get this thing on paper. I like Nick and he is a perfect fit for everything I have in mind. He even goes with the dog!

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Re: the tooth issue, I did get a second opinion. I found a cosmetic dentist who has the same stance on PFMs that I do and he has the Lava/Cerec machines on site. This is nice because we can accomplish more in one visit as opposed to moving from temp to temp and waiting two weeks for crowns. There is too much work to do in one visit, but we can split it in two. He noticed my bite symmetry is off and wants to adjust it by altering the shape of the crowns. I’m fine with that.

I love how stupid/expensive/annoying/upsetting things time themselves.

In 2009, I had nearly 1/2 of my mouth rebuilt in Cerecs and Bruxzirs because my teeth were destroyed by seizures. I wasn’t even aware of how badly damaged they were until I saw the x-rays. I went to the dentist for one loose filling.

I had a rather dramatic Cerec failure last weekend. I was talking to my Job #2 Boss when an entire crown randomly fell out. It covered a root canal, too. Those things are not supposed to come off. I couldn’t put the crown back on with temp glue because it was over rods and I couldn’t figure out how to fit it back on. I was able to get in to a dental office to get it looked at, but then the dentist told me I have two other loose crowns and a cracked tooth on the other side of my mouth. He also said I needed another root canal. I don’t agree with the root canal. The tooth he is talking about is completely encased in zirconium oxide and there is no place bacteria can get at it above the gum line. I also looked at the x-ray. The shadow I see is my sinus coming down behind the tooth root.

Another issue I have is the dentist wants to replace the crown on that tooth with a PFM crown. This is the bicuspid right behind a canine. Front of mouth. I’ve seen what happens with PFMs over time. The gum recedes and then you wind up with this raggedy godawful crown with metal margins. Fuck that. PFMs are also weaker than Cerecs and Bruxzirs. They crack and chip. If I occlude on it during a seizure, it’ll break. I’d rather have an implant then a PFM.

Evil PFM is evil. No PFMs. Keep them away from my mouth.

The dentist removed the loose crowns and gave me temps, but I think I’m going to get a second opinion before I go back there. If the other dentist says it’s a root canal, it’s a root canal. Fine. I just don’t see it.

Something odd about all this… I had an old school gold crown put on one of my molars back in 1999. Despite being as old as it is, that tooth is still rolling like a champ. It’s new ones that are failing.

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Had to do some juggling on other fronts this week. Job #1 changed my schedule to even earlier in the morning, so I had to ask for an immediate schedule adjustment at Job #2. Despite the difficulty I have waking up for the prior schedule, I’m happy about this because I now get off work early enough to get to job sites for IRR. One major anxiety I had involved putting all my faith in people I’d barely see or talk to. I strongly dislike that whole ‘just take my money and do your thing’ scenario. Now I can take a more active role. I’ll have a better chance of seeing if something is going off-course early on. This is awesome. The next hill to climb is financing. I’m back to working on that this week.

I’m also working on a new screenplay. I started sketching my plot and doing some research on it this week. I love my characters and the stuff I don’t know enough about is easily accessible. I’m giving myself a three month timeline to get it done. Excited!

I had my first follow-up blood tests this month and everything came back clear. I’ll have to keep getting tested every three months for the rest of the year. If everything stays good, I can drop down to twice a year. For now, I can look forward to going off the hormones in May. I’m also allowed to get massages again.

Happy!

I dropped off from IRR for a bit. The deals slowed way down, but I think that’s because it’s Q1. First quarter is a weak time of year. In the meantime, I’m going to keep poking for good financing and get ready for Spring. I also found a couple of good books to study and they’re both available digitally. I have them saved to my phone and laptop.

My search for a new Job #1 continues. I tried to get on with a couple of medical jobs around town, but both places wanted me to have Neuromuscular certification and another year of experience. I’m not against going back to school. I’d like to have a NMT certification one day. The thing that annoys me is I went to school with a couple people who were already employed by these companies and they didn’t have their NMT yet. Add, their employers were paying their tuition. How do I get that? I’d love the training, but I’m not keen on adding any more student loans. I’m already having a devil of a time getting financing for IRR as it is.

I just got a really nice yearly review at the current Job #1. I exceeded expectations in every category except ACW. I ignore ACW. You can’t fix all the lazy stuff other people blow off unless you stay and fix it. If I was a customer, I would expect that. My direct manager pushed me to reset my sites for mentoring roles and a Mid Tier promotion. I didn’t tell him that I actually have a foot and four toes out the door. I’ll keep doing my thing, of course. I’m not emotionally attached to the place, so I’m not doing any of this to impress anyone. I’d like to get out before corporate realignment gets down to the personnel level.

I’d also like to get out before some of the rank immaturity kills me. Some people, I swear… The story isn’t even worth telling. I’m just going to say that I think it’s a shame when little kids are more mature their parents.

I still feel like I need to get out of town. I’ve spent the past several months feeling like an animal before an earthquake. I run into two problems with that. The first being professional licensing. If I want to keep doing the healthcare thing, I have to relicense anywhere I go. Some places, like New York, are a pain. I’d have to go back to school because where I live now doesn’t require as many classroom hours. Other places are fine with my hours, but I can’t grandfather in because I need the NCBTMB exam. I took the MBLEx when I finished school because I figured I’d head North. The other problem is my replacement Job #1. I need decent pay. If I took my current income from Job #1 in Seattle, I could barely afford to rent space under an overpass. Whether townhouse or condo, I need a minimum of 2 bedrooms. 3 bedrooms or 2 + a loft would be ideal. What I really want is a house with its own separate guest house or studio. I could partition the studio into multiple work spaces and rent them to other local therapists. I could also turn it into an apartment and cash flow it that way. In Seattle, a property like that is at least $500K. It’d be a fraction of that in Arizona. There is only about 60,000 square feet of Arizona I can stand, though. I’ll pass.

I don’t know. I may go ahead and take the NCBTMB just to open my options. I’m not thrilled about the idea. I’d much prefer putting that money somewhere else.